My feelings show

Not going to say when, where, or with who it happened. All I’m going  to say is that ed came flying back out of nowhere. Feels like running into a wall, a wall I can’t climb. I thought I was over this, past the bullshit. But here I am. Back again. Feeling fat, ugly, and utterly useless. All the carbs I love might finally be getting to me. I’ve got my Buddha belly back and them dreaded thighs. Hurts so bad when people mention it. Don’t appreciate it when people pick me to pieces and point out all of my flaws. I am insecure. Always will be a tiny bit, but i thought i was stronger than to break down in front of someone. Guess every little bit takes its toll in the end. Wonder if I’ll ever be able to live my life the way I want without caring about what others think. Wonder if I’ll ever be truly happy and content with my body. Will I hate myself for the rest of my life? What kind if life am I living? Fuck you bulimia and fuck you for ruining my life once and trying to take away my happiness again. Please don’t let me turn back to you. I need to be able to stand on my own two legs.