I feel it

decision: unsuccessful. i feel unsuccessful. im hurt. angered. disappointed. irritated. upset. all of it. i feel it. was all that hard work i did in high school for absolutely nothing? i dont like being rejected. im not used to it. im used to getting what i want. i know it sounds horrible. but ive always succeeded. everything ive done, even if i hated it in the beginning and everything was terrible i did it eventually. i passed those dreaded AP classes. i recovered from substance abuse. bulimia. depression. that should say something. yet im not good enough for university. im happy. for once im fucking happy. i love london. it makes me feel alive when im there. stockholm doesnt give me that feeling anymore. neither does dublin. and i dont want to start over yet again. im tired. and i know what will happen eventually if i go back to dallas. if things dont work out at the school im at now im so unbelievably screwed. i dont want to leave london. its not fair. ive worked too damn hard at being happy and finding lovely friends to have to leave it all behind. the stupid SAT test im taking tomorrow morning is pointless because i can already tell you im not good enough. i know that. but finding it out over and over again hurts so fucking bad.