so tomorrow don’t expect an update until afternoon/night. i’ve managed to waste a whole day today. i went to find paper, yet again. this fucking paper is ruining everything. anyways, enough anger for today. it’s a bank holiday, for god knows what reason. so no, the shops weren’t open. so tomorrow morning i’m going to buy that god damned paper. mount spray. mount my drawings. and then throw my portfolio in my course leader’s fucking face (not literally). i just wanna be finished. i wanna turn it in and never have to think about it again. i will fail, i’m setting myself up for failure. and you know what? you learn from your mistakes. yes this year was a mistake and i’ve learned that london metropolitan university is shit, and architecture is not for me. done. after i realized the shops were closed Simon who came along to help left me to go to a friends birthday, and as soon as i switched tubes i realized that my key was locked in his room and his room was locked. so yep. no gym. no clothes. no work. no computer. no nothing. thankfully jaz was around and he let me in the gates, and then i’ve been sat in irish’s flat watching tv until now. so tomorrow starts a very busy and stressful day. early start to get my portfolio together. so ready to put my hands up and walk away, but it’s one more day and honestly it’ll be shit but handing work in is better than handing no work in.

home from school now. debating weather i should do more work now or wait till sunday and do an all day? since everyone else seems to be missing and the boyfriends dead i’m thinking more work.. the crit today didn’t go as bad at i thought it would! they were actually really nice. told me my drawings weren’t as shit as i thought they were. told me what i need to do in order to pass, and i’ve got three weeks to get them done sooo.. pass pass pass i hope!! actually really cheered me up. sitting in my room now, somebody cooked something and it stinks so im surrounded by vanilla scented candles.. not helping as much as i wish!

at first i was productive and didn’t feel that bad being here all day. now, not so much. im bored and i want out. i need to get some groceries before i go to my trial shift tonight and it’s gunna be a tight fit. but whatever, 5 more weeks of this bullshit university and im out forever! back to work now…

its kelly’s birthday!! granted its 3 in the morning, hihi. still had to celebrate a bit. im dead tired at the moment though. got a portfolio review tomorrow with my course leader which i’ve been working on all day so im prepared, still scared though. know im not nearly up to the standard that they want, but i just cant be bothered. i dont like it. i dont want to stick around anymore. i wanna do math and physics. i wanna study concrete materials. i want tests. i want something to show for my work. not just sketches.. guess i was wrong.

im applying to different universities for next year because i am deeply disappointed in the one that im studying at now. i feel like im wasting a year on bullshit. learning to draw a line for two hours isnt what i paid for. i might as well have taken a night class in sweden and built my own portfolio, couldnt have been that hard. yet now im spending a whole year of my life on it. dont even know if this is what i want anymore. i wanna drop out and start over somewhere new. but im not going to give up yet. im gunna pull through this, no matter how much i hate it and then go harder next year at a better school. so a recommendation.. NEVER study at London Metropolitan University. none of my friends are satisfied either. its just a waste. so on the list for next year, if im lucky.. Cambridge, Oxford (both of those are a possible N O), Queen Mary University of London, University College London. 4 different engineering courses and one architecture. then i might even look into schools in sweden and the states.. why not?

did my work for uni so now im going to bed. im tired. and i have lectures at ten tomorrow, plus im pretty sure vicky and simon will be getting me out of bed when they come back home tonight. the after party is always a sight, even for sober and tired eyes! oh well, im going to get up early on wednesday and finish up some of my work for school as well so i can just relax when i come home tomorrow! love it! night babes. pictures will be up shortly if this internet ever decides to work. its horse poo!

im really enjoying myself. at first i thought it was stupid. why am i taking pictures and then paying to print them off for architecture?? seriously i didnt pay tuition for photography.. but i kind of get it now. its seriously like doing arts n crafts for education. loves it. although i do miss math. i wish i was doing at least some engineering parts as well! im not going out tonight and ive got to clean and do laundry so ill prbli update on here then about my weekend!

i found this desk at Ikea on sunday and i forgot to upload the picture of it. it’s like the coolest table ever.. at least for me! it has a glass part with lights in under it so it’s perfect for someone who does a lot of sketches and whatnot. the only thing is i wish i didn’t have a desk in the apartment in london, and.. the glass part could’ve been a bit bigger! but i can dream on, no?

so i get an email from dad whos currently in dubai. dubais pretty much known for the money that exists there. the crazy buildings and all the shopping. so yeah i recieve this picture…

how cruel is that?!?!  tsk tsk.

so yesterday i get this email from Richmond. theyre no longer offering the course i wanted to take, engineering of course. oh and yeah, they dont have architecture either. so im thinking shit, im screwed. however im going to start off at Richmond for the first two years (maybe?) and take the basics for a bachelors degree and some engineering then most likely transfer. who knows, i might be able to get into some schools if i actually send my grades! oh and then to sweeten the deal today i got another email i got a dean’s scholarship. 4,500 pound per year. not bad. thats like 6,600 dollars. better than nothing! so yeah, as long as my grades are above a 3.0 im good to go. so well see how this goes. oh and also cambridge is cheaper than richmond. explain that please? so im thinking if i work hard and get my grades up at richmond i can apply to cambridge and hopefully some success will come. but im not getting my hopes up.. yet.