the last night before we left Corfu, we had out favourite table booked for dinner. i of course had a greek salad and we all enjoyed the wine and the view for the last night there.

we had to leave the villa on the last day in the morning, so we spent the day soaking up the last bits of the sun and enjoying big cold beers

one thing i DO NOT miss from Greece are all the damn wasps! they attacked whenever you had a drink, or food, or even just existed near them. the incense helped to keep them away for a bit, but when it burnt out they came back immediately!

a truly relaxing trip with some great weather, it’s a shame my tan is already starting to disappear!

Simon was well keen on renting a little ‘fishing’ boat for a day when we were in Greece. so one morning we all got up really early and went down to the Nissaki pier and rented one.
looking back at the pictures now, i want to be back in Greece. it was so nice just reading a book and cruising around on the waters..

whenever we found little coves we decided to stop in and see what the waters were like, and some were nicer than others.

scuba simon was in the water at every stop we made.

then we found a cove that had a stone beach, and the water was clear as anything! never mind that the water was actually warm as well.

thought i had died and gone to heaven, Simon however had to deal with the boat

then as we were heading back to the pier to return the boat, we spotted some dolphins! there were about 6 of them, however a bit hard to capture on camera.

thought it was a pretty good ending to a pretty good day out and about on the water!

We got to the villa after dark, and then decided to go out for a quick meal and investigate more in the morning.

The view was incredible, and the pool was a luxury i wouldn’t want to live without. Nevermind the one-eyed cat that stuck around for a couple of days, how very Greek.

(*click on images for larger views and descriptions)

went to oxford street with simon yesterday to look for a new bikini. convinced myself that if i had a new one that looked good on i would stop freaking out about my ‘beach body’.

found two at river island..

i like the pink one with rhinestones on it the best cause it’s a really nice color in real life, and the bikini bottoms fit really well in the front. however my lack of bottom is a continous problem when it comes to bikinis. the second one is okay, i tried on the purple one and didn’t love it. but i saw a girl trying it on in pink and she was really tan, and it looked fabulous. plus the flowers give the illusion of bigger boobies.

ugh. conflicting ideas in my head again and it’s no bueno. feeling guilty over food i’ve eaten isn’t helping the situation. i want to go for a run but A) ITS FREEZING OUTSIDE B) ive got a headache and C) i am tired!

i keep telling myself i need to start working out but it’s just not happening. joining the gym after christmas and i know it’ll be better then but i’m not worried about that, im worried about being in a bikini in mexico.

it’s not that i want to lose weight, i just want to get in shape. some muscles here and there maybe.

frustrating that this is coming back again.

so i bought a bikini a couple of days ago from H&M because well, mine from last year basically just hangs now and does not look good. hello trash! plus i figured it’ll come to good use this summer and winter in mexico

then i walked into H&M today and found yet another bikini, this one with two bottom so i can switch for a better tan not sure if i should keep it or return it though. thoughts?

just one of the many pictures that have been taken in the park over the last couple of days!

Help me win! Vote for my bikini here!

if i win i can get a free vacation good for a poor student like me! (bikini doesnt actually show up for some reason until you click the link!

when i was in mexico i wrote this on the first day in my bikini. i cant still feel it..

“after recovery I still loathe my body. Im in mexico. A paradise. In a suite. My own bathroom, two balconies. All inclusive food and drinks. Yet I still Felt like bawling when I went into the bathroom and put my bikini on. So unflattering. Tried another one on, even worse. Put a dress on to cover my stomache. Nope. Arms still made me look horrific. Could feel my stomache touching the fabric of my flowy dress, that shouldn’t happen. Walking I could feel the fat in my stomache and thighs jiggiling. Disgusting. Disgusted with myself. With what I’ve let myself turn into. Had the same feelings 5 Years ago in Florida. Looked back at the pictures from then and feel gross and ugly. I let myself go, I stopped feeling. I stopped living. I took drugs, I drank. I did anything not to think about the fact that I was gaining weight. Anything to take me away. Anything to take my mind of the fact that I was fat. My stomach hangs over my pants, my shirts fit too tight. Naked I don’t even dare look into a mirror or down, cause it’s gotten to the point where all I want to do is return to my old ways. My favorite shirt no longer fits the way it should. I hate it. I know what it is. It’s the unhealthy food, the alcohol. Yet that’s what gives me comfort. Drinking lets me forget. Lets me not care. Yet it all makes me depressed. Makes me gain more weight. Working out isn’t as easy alone. Walking around the resort I see people, sometimes bigger than me.. Doesn’t make me feel better about myself. Skinner, I’m just jealous. It’s not about someone being better looking than me or uglier. It’s about the fact that I’m unhappy in my own skin. I don’t like looking in the mirror. I don’t like getting dressed in the mornings, and I don’t like getting undressed at night. Not even going to lie, if I had the money I would pay stupid amounts to fix myself. But even that wouldn’t work. I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough. And I honestly don’t see what others see in me. I’ve got nothing to offer. There’s nothing special about me. Theres thousands of girls better. Why stick around a girl like me when im just going downhill? Just wish I could at least be okay with myself. Not hate myself for everything . I’m taking steps backward, but this time I’m going to work at taking steps forward alone. No medicines, no hospitals, no therapy. Just me. Just be.”

next to last day here hopefully the sun will come out today so i can get my tan on! happy holidays everyone!!