done. finished. finito. färdig. it’s finally fucking over. the elation and happiness running through my veins is intense. wish somebody could be with me to celebrate the fact that i did it. i made it through this year. i’ve made it yet again. i’ve finished. granted i may not pass but who the fuck cares? i’m done. i never have to set foot on london metropolitan university campus ever again if i don’t want to. I’m no longer forced to deal with the nonsense they call an education. it’s ridiculous, but i feel like jumping up and down and cry and just sit here and smile to myself, because no matter how shit or how horrible this year has been it doesn’t matter anymore. i’m done. next year i get to start over. new university. new people, new friends. new subject. new place to live. yet the same amazing city. so fuck you london met and all the shit you brought with you cause i’m over you!

im jealous. i am jealous of the people in the states finished with their first year at college. the people in sweden graduating. the people who know where their life is going. the people on their way to being graduated. the people getting to start fresh, and choose a school. here i am sat in the dark, wondering if i can even pass this year. if i don’t pass i loose my place at regent’s college. if i don’t i have no clue what to do. i don’t want to waste another year. i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to leave london. i don’t know how i’ll handle it. im scared. what if i fall apart. what if i turn back to what i was. if i pass i’ll still be worried. no place to live. no clue where to look for a place to live. no clue what to look for. no clue if i’ll be happy. no clue if it’ll be close enough to the college. no idea if i’ll be able to keep in touch with people from halls. scared to test my relationship. im scared. im scared i’ll be forgotten. replaced. placed in a line of importance. im scared of change.

im applying to different universities for next year because i am deeply disappointed in the one that im studying at now. i feel like im wasting a year on bullshit. learning to draw a line for two hours isnt what i paid for. i might as well have taken a night class in sweden and built my own portfolio, couldnt have been that hard. yet now im spending a whole year of my life on it. dont even know if this is what i want anymore. i wanna drop out and start over somewhere new. but im not going to give up yet. im gunna pull through this, no matter how much i hate it and then go harder next year at a better school. so a recommendation.. NEVER study at London Metropolitan University. none of my friends are satisfied either. its just a waste. so on the list for next year, if im lucky.. Cambridge, Oxford (both of those are a possible N O), Queen Mary University of London, University College London. 4 different engineering courses and one architecture. then i might even look into schools in sweden and the states.. why not?