it’s funny how somethings never change. the feelings that wont ever go away. the resentment and hatred you can have for someone, and never let it go. the thought of a person can make your blood boil. and being around them just all around annoys you. some people aren’t meant to get along though. some of us just can’t be friends. and sometimes its sad but when i think about it, do i need this person in my life? will they actually change anything? and at the end of the day the answer will always be no. i do not need that bullshit in my life. no i will never like you, and no we will never be friends.

had some issues with people thinking my life revolved around them so i’ve been avoiding the blog recently. bought a journal instead to get the feelings out. can’t be bothered with the high school drama anymore. it’s not for me. it brings me down to places i don’t want or need to be in. so if your wondering why i’ve been so horrific that’s why. but i will be better over christmas, i promise. you’ll get to hear all about my amazing vacation i am SO SO SO excited.

what a night. friday night we had a party upstairs in the guys flat, halloween themed! i was a cowgirl/daisy duke kind of girl. whatever i had basically. didn’t wanna wear my bunny suit twice! the novelty kind of wares off by the second night. anyways some drama happened on wednesday night apparently between one of our friends j.b. and some girls downstairs. they then decided to come up to our flat party.. and j.b. flipped. got really mad so we pretty much locked him into his room. then the girls started on me. pushed me when i told them to leave for their own safety and so naturally i pushed back so both of them pushed me again. i fell. they then started to kick me while laying down, fucked up much. yes. so then simon got them away and told them to leave. 30 min later they were back up to ‘apologize’ but when i told them to save it for the morning when they were sober they started up on me again. called me twatface hahah i was so offended. its just ridiculous cause these girls look for a fight and were not gunna give it to them. i cant be bothered wasting my energy on something that stupid. after that though everyone had a good night. just a bit shocked still!

i think over a week of stressing out and being sick for forever today was the final straw. finally had a break down. apparently ive been going to the wrong lectures for over a week now and nobody bothered to tell me. so today my course leader finally found me and told me what was up. thank god somebody cares enough to look for me and figure out what the hell is going on. i just felt like the biggest idiot, plus im behind on some work AND i have to start over.. yet again. last night everyone went out, but me. the boys were smurfs and the girls were army people.. and well everyone just got shitfaced pretty much. so i had one girl crying in my room at 6 am and just a bunch of other drama that id rather not write about. i mean it affects everyone when people make asses out of themselves, and they were all paying for it today but still i think all thats worked out now. hopefully they’ll realize that the money isnt gunna be enough to party like that for much longer. i havent even spent that much on alcohol, but i still feel like im done partying. okay maybe a couple of more nights no but then when i got home today i emailed daddy and told him i needed to talk to him and when we were on the phone i just couldnt hold it in any longer. sat in the hallway talking on the phone and im pretty sure some girls saw me crying so lisa came with some tissues for me and then afterwards i just got my stuff from simons flat and went downstairs. a minute later kelly and vicky show up. happy i have some people to vent to so they sat and tried to make me feel better about everything and i really appreciated it! then simon came down as well, we watched family guy and im pretty sure i fell asleep somewhere in there. but yeah getting up early tomorrow.. going to the right lectures this time! so bed time it is for me. im gunna try to get better with this blog but ive just been too busy and emotional to care lately. sorry.

jesus! okay so i was already feeling enough of the drama when i was in dallas, like how immature can people get really? “my dad drives a ferrari, what does you dad drive?” then i came back here and started reading some swedish blogs and these little kids need some slap therapy. like for real? youre going to sit there and blog about how you partied last night and put pictures up of yourself practically naked and making out with another girl.. how old are you? then theres the total opposite too.. look at me im so mature. hell at least i stand for what i am. sometimes i can be mature yes, and other times im still a kid. nothing wrong with that is it? im so sick of these girls being like i hate her, shes so ugly , blah blah blah. jealousy is stupid when you act like that. theres PLENTY of times when im jealous but that doesnt mean i talk shit about someone behind their back or start being a bitch. ill honestly tell someone, “wow… that shirt is amazing i wish i could have one!” instead of saying to someone, “ew she looks hideous in that shirt”. theres no point, its just bad karma. the same goes with my boyfriend, i hate the fact that hes in Sweden looking good in the clothes i picked out and hanging out with friends and girls… even though i know he wouldnt do a single thing to hurt me im jealous. im jealous cause i cant be with him, is that even bad? jealousy isnt a sin unless you make it one. so seriously people grow up, and move on with your stupid obsession with drama.