So the other day i went all out on grocery shopping, bought loads of healthy food cause i felt like it was time for me to get back into the routine of things. If i do say so myself i make quite nice vegetarian fajitas! can’t be too unhealthy apart from the bread and salsa?

Last week i went to dinner with my parents at Capital Grill, and it was great! service, food, atmosphere.. all of it was good, it was a really enjoyable evening. I had the shrimp stuffed with crab and lobster for a main and it melted in my mouth.

Wore my new heels and and old dress to dinner, at least i was comfortable.

Last night my parents, Michael (who’s visiting from Dublin), and I went to Saltgrass steakhouse. Michael finished off a 24 oz. steak, i had some amazing grilled shrimp! Managed to finish off a bottle of wine with my mother as well.

I guess that i forgot. I forgot that it was okay not to be okay. Through all my preaching here on the blog, i neglected my own feelings. I didn’t blog because it was what i wanted. I blogged because i knew it would make others happy. I blogged because it was what i did, i feel like without my blog i am nothing. It would be different if my blog was a job, i mean it practically is with the amount of time i put into it, but at the end of the day i get no feedback and no cash. It’s like working for a pointless charity. With the blog i think i also neglected the fact that i wasn’t doing okay. I felt like i always had to put on a charade to appease others, whereas it doesn’t take me a day to get over things.

Things have to change though, i’m not okay, and i’m starting to believe i never will be.

So i took the first step today, i went to the doctor and i’m starting back on my anti-depressants. If this is the right or wrong choice, i don’t know. All i know is that i don’t want to feel how i’m feeling right now anymore. I don’t want these thoughts, and i don’t want these tears.

You can’t judge me because you’ve never been in my shoes. You’ve never known what it is to be me. Everyone has their own hardships to deal with, and this is mine.

On New Years Eve we trekked up through the snow to a mongolian yurt, where a five course dinner was made and served right before our eyes. After many bottles of wine we walked back down to the resort through the snow, and after falling once i realised it was pretty slippery outside. It was definitely an experience to say the least! never mind going to the bathroom which was outside the yurt.. so cold!

Dad went and picked up dinner for us yesterday, had Pho soup. if you’ve never eaten it before i highly recommend it. so yummy and warms you up in the winter time! need to find a good place to order it from in london…

Yesterday my mum and i went and got full body massages at a place called massage envy. It was certainly relaxing and nursed my hangover slightly, and considering the price i guess we should’ve have been surprised by the fact that the massages were pretty rubbish. Afterwards we bought sushi and spring rolls for lunch, and i was a happy girl. Sushi is my favourite hangover food

Yesterday my pappa and i shared a crunchy dragon roll for lunch. was good, i think it would’ve been nicer if it weren’t take away though. Then i drove him to the airport, he’s in kansas today i think. It was his 72nd flight with american airlines this year.. crazy. i think my father alone might be keeping them afloat

The first meal out i had here in Dallas was with my mum at Chili’s. Their queso (pictured above) used to be much better, but their Caribbean salad is to die for. Loving the free refills as well

There’s a swedish blogger who is rather rich and famous, she’s gained weight in the last couple of years it’s pretty obvious yet she’s happy with who she is (at least she says so). She’s curvy and enjoys food, there’s nothing wrong with that. i think it’s important to remember that there’s nothing wrong with being skinny either.

me.. im on the curvy side and even if i enjoy food, i don’t enjoy my body. but i know that there are those people out there who don’t have curves, and that can’t be the easiest battle either.

i think it’s brave to embrace your own body and i just wish i could be happy with mine!