Simons cousin is in London for the day/night so we got up early to meet her and her friends from the tube station.

Since I was up early and awake I figured why not go for another run, seeing as were going out tonight and drinking.

Went for a 20ish min run, but then did sit ups and worked on my tatas and love handles at home!

Need to get back into shape, specially cause I’m gonna be on the beach soon. Cue panic attack..

daddy’s in town and i couldn’t be happier.. well if the sun came out i wouldn’t mind. off for a jog in regent’s park now!

just had a bit of a work out with the boys. not much to be fair just a bit of weights and some abs, need to get fit again. i’ve gotten soft :/

i haven’t worked out in so long. last time i think i did exercise was in the beginning of the summer?

i can tell as well, after running for about max 20 minutes yesterday my body is SORE. such a nice feeling though

think i’m going to get up relatively early tomorrow and run in regent’s park.. hopefully.

went after lunch to middlesbrough for some white shoes, and got two pairs of flats for ten pounds. i love this place! hehe. but it was nice walking around a bit and looking in some different shops than the ones in london.

when we got back to simon’s we went for a run in the rain around the park, and then ate a lovely fondu for dinner!

guess what we’re doing now?

when we were out last night everyone ended up looking around for simon and chloe. where had they gone? to smoke of course.

now don’t think i’m some kind of hypocrite, cause i’m not. i’m not saying smoking is evil and that people shouldn’t smoke. granted, smoking isn’t good for you. people honestly shouldn’t smoke either, but most of us have.

i’ve smoked. i didn’t make it public because well.. i don’t think it’s something to be proud of. it was just like every other bad habit i’ve ever had, a waste of money, time, and health.

it’s easier for me to bring light on a subject when my hands are clean.

i started smoking a lot when i moved to london. my money ran away from me with every flick of my lighter. then i gradually slowed down. ‘party smoked’ as i call it. smoked when i drank. then i cut back even more, smoked when i was stressed or felt fidgety. then i just stopped one day. i didn’t decide to stop smoking, i even said i hadn’t quit. it made it easier knowing i was allowed to smoke whenever i wanted. funny thing is, i’ve never physically ‘craved’ a cigarette, mentally maybe.

so months gone by since even having a drag from the cancer sticks and i’ve got to say that i find cigarettes ridiculously annoying now. the smell gets to me like no other as well.

what i’m getting at is that non-smokers shouldn’t have to give respect to smokers. i shouldn’t have to move away from the smoke you’re blowing in my face (granted half the time you don’t even know your doing it). i shouldn’t have to cease my dancing to find where the smokers have disappeared to. i shouldn’t have to work around your smoking habit.

if anything i think that becoming a ‘non-smoker’ has lead me to become more aware of my surroundings and i just wish ‘smokers’ would realize it as well.

went to the gym pretty late today, kind of a mistake considering after my run all the machines were being used. people standing around in groups like it’s a freaking social place. get off if you aren’t going to do any work!

i ran for an hour and a half! proud! i’m already sore and hurting. need new shoes. i did have to slow down for a minute or two though cause i got an insane cramp. but i kept going! and i did it i’d say i ran around 8-9 k so i should be good for a 10k run in September if i keep this up. although i have to say, i’ve never been so sweaty in my life! ridiculous.

back after a good meal. stuffed to all the corners in my stomach! had to wait for jules for an hour or so… but still worth it! going to watch a movie or something and nod off to sleep pretty soon! getting up early to go to the gym tomorrow morning..

going to the gym now. long run and then some stuff. need to get everything out of my system. frustration and anger. the negativity i want it gone. so afterwards im ready to buckle down and do more uni work. what a weekend this will be..

sitting here watching a tv show called “superskinny vs. supersized” and i’m disgusted by the fat people and jealous of the skinny ones. im scared to go back to what i was. i never had problems with my face before but now i look at pictures and say i’ve got a chubby face. i look at pictures from a while ago and think i was pretty. now im not. when i think about it the ‘pretty’ pictures are always from when i was sick. from when i was stuffing myself full until bursting point and hurling myself into the bathroom. just today i was looking up diet pills on the internet and then asked myself what the hell is going on? why am i doing this? is ed back? is my bulimia trying to push me over the edge again? because i wont do it. i know ill never be happy with my body or who i am, but i can exercise. i can workout, and i can eat healthy. i can live my life without drugs, pills, and sickness. i can live a good life. i dont need an illness to make me feel good enough.