i’m not religious. i never have been, and i doubt i ever will be. i attended pope john paul ii high school in dallas a couple of years ago, and it taught me a lot of things. i know my parents question whether or not it was the right choice sending me to a catholic private school when we, as atheists,didn’t belong.

a lot of people on facebook have changed their profile picture to the same thing so finally i started looking into what it meant, and i am literally in tears. i am so touched, yet so saddened. even if you aren’t religious, or you don’t know Anna, i don’t, go to this website. have a look around, and even if you don’t pray send a thought. i just think it’s beautiful that she will get to be remember in such a positive way.

when i get to work on coursework and i’m on a roll and doing really well, i start to feel really uncomfortable.

it’s because it reminds me somehow of the times i used to take ‘study drugs’ in order to get my work done in high school, it reminds me of how i felt and how it effected my performance.

it really bothers me because i feel so uncomfortable when really i should just be proud of myself for doing well. but for some reason i feel guilty, i feel like i’m doing something wrong, and like i shouldn’t be this way.

maybe if i slacked off more i’d feel better?

i just don’t understand my brain sometimes…

i’ll openly admit it. i’m jealous. all of my friends in sweden are graduating right now and i feel like i never got to participate in a real graduation. i didn’t walk the stage in the states with all my friends cause i graduated in the summer a year earlier. i didn’t get to have a champagne breakfast or run out to all my friends and family like they do in sweden. i didn’t get a real graduation. i came home and all of the sudden i was done. can’t even remember seeing my diploma? all i’ve got is my transcripts, that’s my graduation. i know my parents got me a nice little balloon and a card, and they were proud of me. after all i did it a year earlier than expected, however it still doesn’t compare. sometimes i wonder if things would’ve been better if i would’ve stayed for another year. get more credits, work harder, get into a better university.. would everything have changed then? ah it’s funny how jealousy can take over sometimes, but the good thing is i’m mature enough to know when i’m jealous, and i can admit it. i don’t have to do what other people do and put others down and act like i’m better than other people cause i know that i’m not. jealousy is not a sin, if you know how to handle it.