everything seems to just mush into one day when you’re not doing anything of importance. either way on tuesday i believe it was, emmelie robert and i went down to the water and grilled some tofu hot dogs and shrimp. was nice to drink some rose in the sun and enjoy the company.

then last night robert’s parents came over with his little brother, david. david’s good friends with my ex. was nice to catch up a bit. another good meal with wine. its the summertime so wine not?

ever feel like you’ve been totally replaced? and not been missed for a second? fell like you’ve been left behind in the dust without a single soul looking in the rearview mirror. nobody worried, nobody who cares. nobody who even bothers to see if you wanna join in or if your alright. we went through so much together. you helped me immensely. how could you just let it all go like this? how can you just walk away and pretend like it never happened. i miss you, i really do. at the same time though, you’ve shown me your true colors. how childish you really are. how much you care about yourself. in a way im happy im not wasting my friendship and time on you. because your truly not worth it if you treat me this way. how can you just push someone away who was there for you when you needed someone? i dont get it. sometimes i wonder if ill ever find any more true friends like the ones i’ve grown up with.

the only place i think i’ll ever be able to find real friends is in sweden. people are just as fake here as they are in the states. i just don’t get it. life isn’t about getting shitfaced and then talking shit about people behind their backs. yeah i can talk shit too, but if someone asks me about it i’ll say it to their face as well. i don’t have a problem with that. i also don’t have a problem with anybody here it’s just that all the girls have at least found one person to chill with and what not and i just miss my panda. school hasn’t even started and im already thinking about looking into schools in sweden for next year. i just don’t know anymore. maybe im not strong enough for this city. feeling pretty damn depressed and oh look at that, nobody to talk to. knew this was a mistake. im cutting myself off from certain people. i know i shouldn’t but i can’t help it. being alone feels good sometimes. it also gets me in trouble other times. i just want everything to disappear. i dont want to be sick anymore.

a picture from when we watched emmelie play

gabi, rebecca, and i on friday night!

me and jonas before going out.. i look awkward but he’s looking good no?

we played fia med knuff with emmelie and robert!

jonas and my beautiful sister

for jonas to get back from his guitar lesson so we can eat pancakes! gotta enjoy the swedish food while it lasts..

i have iWork now yay! so pages, keynote, and numbers are all mine! i like! perfect timing now that i’m starting school too. i strongly recommend pages for mac users, there’s nothing better!

me and jonas are going over to rebecca’s.. yay! i haven’t seen her in a while so that should be fun. i think we’re just going to chill at her apartment or find a party? either way i’m guessing there’s going to be alcohol involved.. again.

wore my new jacket today for the first time today! i absolutely love it! plus i just realized i can remove the faux fur!!! yayuh! took jonas’ moped to the grocery store to get candy and chips! now its time for a movie love it!

what’s next? haha just kidding! jonas is a wannabe and put an apple sticker on his ‘thinkpad’ notebook! ha!