moving on tubes with massive suitcases and bags and whatnot wasn’t the easiest job, or the fastest. truth is, there’s still some things that need to be taken over to baker street from seven sisters.

at first i was really excited to start moving but when i stood there with a massive empty suitcase in front of me, i had no idea where to start.

that’s where he came in. i stood there like a lost child staring at all her toys but not knowing which one to pick, which one to play with.

he grabbed a suitcase and starting packing all my shoes, doing one part of my room at a time. so i followed suit.

then there i was. sat in my new apartment. my things unpacked. a clean and made bed. a place to start over again, make a life for myself.

and all i have to say is that without him, i would still be sat in station court panicking.

like yesterday, i was looking at different companies for internet. so many options, so confusing, and so lost. and who came to my rescue? he did of course.

so Simon, thank you babe; for packing, carrying, unpacking, cleaning, washing up, cheering up, and just all around sticking it out with me. i appreciate it more than words can say.

i’ve always loved the absolut bottles more than what’s on the inside, even before i was drinking. but i’ve gotten lost in the last couple of years, now i’ve realized what i’ve been missing all along.. ABSOLUT BOTTLES! so as soon as i see this in a shop i’m buying it. it’ll be my birthday present to myself, and then slowly but surely i’ll get my collection of absolut bottles back on track.

im jealous. i am jealous of the people in the states finished with their first year at college. the people in sweden graduating. the people who know where their life is going. the people on their way to being graduated. the people getting to start fresh, and choose a school. here i am sat in the dark, wondering if i can even pass this year. if i don’t pass i loose my place at regent’s college. if i don’t i have no clue what to do. i don’t want to waste another year. i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to leave london. i don’t know how i’ll handle it. im scared. what if i fall apart. what if i turn back to what i was. if i pass i’ll still be worried. no place to live. no clue where to look for a place to live. no clue what to look for. no clue if i’ll be happy. no clue if it’ll be close enough to the college. no idea if i’ll be able to keep in touch with people from halls. scared to test my relationship. im scared. im scared i’ll be forgotten. replaced. placed in a line of importance. im scared of change.