off to the gym i go. i have no lectures today (thaaaaank god). i’m going to try to squeeze my way into a pilates class, if not then just do a normal work out! i’m bringing stuff to shower there as well so i think i’m going to try out the sauna and maybe tan a little as well. love having healthy me days!

Day 1.

1. I find it extremely hard to find shoes that actually fit my feet.
2. I have no clue what i want from life, except for happiness.
3. I love family vacations.
4. I’m really short.
5. I’ll watch any crime shows.
6. My favourite drinks include Mojito’s, Champagne, and Southern Comfort with lemonade!
7. I love dogs, and call all dogs puppies, no matter how old they are.
8. I’m virtually talentless.
9. I’m self-destructive.
10. I’ve got thick hair.

i can cry if i want to. although i don’t think i’ll want to.. unless i’m so happy i can’t help but crying (like on my 16th birthday).

so happy 19th birthday to me.. yet another year. 19′s such a boring age isn’t it?

all mixed into one and what do you get? an eating disorder. the blog’s been shit lately and i’m not apologizing, i’ve been taking care of me. it’s getting old for me to sit here and write about how upset i am, and i’m sure it isn’t great reading it either. i’m also sick of people judging me and making snide remarks about my decisions. it is my life, i will live it the way i want to. i’m rethinking a lot of things, life choices, and daily choices. i’m ‘doing me’. i’m taking care of myself. i’ve ignored my needs too many times to let it happen again, i wont stand by and watch ed take over my life again. i either don’t feel like eating and force myself to, whilst feeling like being sick every bite i take. or i want to binge. i want to eat. i want to eat everything. and it scares me. because i know when i start eating, there’s no stopping me. i used to go through a loaf of bread in 10 minutes.. i don’t want to fall into that cycle. after bingeing comes purging. and for those of you who don’t know what either are.. well bingeing is uncontrolled eating and purging is well.. throwing up. i’m scared. i am so scared, and i’ve never felt so alone in my life as i do at times here. i’m vulnerable. i need to be around my ‘support group’. i need my family. i need to get out of my hole, dig myself out. be able to stand on my own two feet again. therefore i’m thinking about heading home.. and no home isn’t the right word, but home is where the heart is, and right now i need my family and friends. so if my updating is terrible it’s because i’m busy trying to stay on the right path. trying so hard to stay happy and healthy, although it’s hard when you don’t want to try anymore, you wanna just be. i wanna just be.

love it. love myself today. todays the best day ive had in a while. really havent been thinking about anyone but myself. and sometimes its okay to do just that. i went for some retail therapy and then had dinner and just relaxed in my room. alone. alone isnt good all the time but i figured since ive been with people for like 24/7 the last couple of days it wont hurt to spend a bit of time alone. i love it. im sure i didnt miss to much upstairs, and if i did im not too worried about it. dont really feel like im part of everything anyways. but yeah im going to watch pineapple express now and maybe some weeds then go to bed! getting up around 10ish tomorrow doing some work for school then going to a costume store to look at things for halloween! i wanted to do a peacock earlier today but then i figured it would get waaaaaaay to expensive, so maybe something a bit cheaper. i guess we’ll see eh?

today im taking a chill day. im going to give myself a pedicure, manicure. then im going to read and lay around ALL DAY. im going to just enjoy life. i feel like i need a day to myself. me myself and i. ill also probably blog a lot hehe.

chillin at the hospital, using their free public wifi. hehe. dads doing really well today, im amazed at how fast hes making progress. he even had the energy to call mamma and his brother.

124 views so far today. well only two hours left. so yeah thanks for reading babes!