dayquil and nyquil, have no clue how i’d be feeling without them right now. typing this as i’ve taken a nyquil and gotten into bed. the only thing that makes this cold bearable is being able to sleep through it.

its never a good time to be sick, and it’s never good timing either. just want this to go away ASAP. thankfully i’ve got some leftover antibiotics from christmas that i’m taking.. maybe it’ll help my recovery just a bit.

going to the mall to do some looking around and to buy some meds. i think i’m getting a cold, and i blame hanna!! oh well, not much i can do about it now. gunna buy some things to make it easier to sleep and breathe. ugh. i hate being sick.

so i went and talked to a lady this morning, and decided to try a mini-pill birth control for a month.

its only got one hormone so it’s supposed to stop me from feeling nauseous! we’ll see what happens..

then i walked to the pharmacy and picked up my prescription. it’s so nice out here today!

walked back from the pharmacy to emmelie’s apartment, and now i’m sat here waiting for leif to come around at 1..!

so yesterday i slept a whole bunch. dad went to the gym and the store to get me some soup, honey, and cough drops, i slept. when he got home i ate some, not a whole bunch, took some cough medicine, sucked on a bunch of cough drops, and then we watched a movie. i fell asleep of course. then when the movie was over i went and got in bed and slept some more. then i woke up and felt very nauseous. dad was such a sweetheart, he got me a bucket and everything set up by my bed incase i needed it. i made it to the bathroom though, twice. i dont know why i threw up, either the cough drops and medicine on a kind of empty stomach wasnt good or i just dont know. either way my throat hurts today still, but i feel pretty okay. cant be sick tomorrow! moms coming yippiee. anyways back to watching tv, some two and a half men.. and thats about it! i love how i get sick right in time for the weekend. what a waste!

going into the city today to buy some meds, lip balm, top up my phone, and get groceries. yippie. i think dad needs to get out of the apartment besides just going to the gym. speaking of,  wow today was hard. im going to bed dead tonight!

i ran away today. ran from the noise. chose not to listen. chose to do it my way. forgot about the lies running through my head. listened to the truth. its hard knowing sometimes which is right. ignored the voices. decided to be strong. didnt fight. didnt put up my walls and bring out my armor. just let it be. i didnt decide i wanted to be someone else. i dealt with my issues. yes i am not perfect. but who is? theres no medicine that can fix this. there is no easy fix. the hardest part is recognizing it. im past that. im to the point where the voices dont even matter anymore. i know they only want to bring me down. theres nothing that beats being honest to yourself. lying only becomes a bad habit, which gets you into a bad circle of habits. been there. not fun. i think writing on here has helped me a tremendous amount. i cant lie. i cant lie to myself, my friends, or my family. i cant lie to the people i dont know. its sort of a way of keeping me on track. ive made it this far, i cant let anything get in the way now. i will never ever again let bulimia tear me down. im better than bingeing and purging. im healthy. for all you girls out there who still are having problems, healthy doesnt mean im fat. it doesnt mean ive gained weight. healthy means im living life, without Ed constantly on my back or in my head. im getting to happy. one day i will be fully recovered for forever. i will never again turn to Ed.

so unfair. i wish i was a guy. they dont have to go through any of the bullshit us girls do. im in so much pain that i feel like im seconds away from throwing up and then crawling into the fetal position. not fun. my headache still hasnt gone away and ive already watched the second to last episode of house, and i dont have the last one yet. obviously the medicine im taking isnt strong enough, anybody care to give me some hydrocodine?!?!? seriously, i mean im young and all but this pain is enough for me to never want to have babies. just sterilize me now. anyways maybe when i can think straight and not just concentrate on the pain im in ill actually post something worth reading. sorry guys.