i don’t have the energy anymore. i don’t wanna do it. i don’t wanna feel like this. i don’t know if it’s because it’s late and i’m tired. or if it’s cause i’m thinking of the future and it’s fucking me up again. either way i’m down. i’m down, i’m in that place that i don’t wanna be. i don’t want to feel this way anymore.

just wish it would go away. like bad weather hanging over my head..

i hate waking up and feeling sick. nauseous. knowing it’s cause i need to eat, but not wanting to. not having anything suitable for the mornings. makes a shitty start to the day, ruins my mood. i don’t want my day to start off with me being worried about food, i do it enough as it is.

weathers shit today. just watched ironman 2 as well, and can’t say i enjoyed it that much. not the best movie i’ve ever seen. think i’m gunna have lunch and then go to the gym, yay.. not. not really in a good mood to be honest. don’t feel like doing anything. just wanna shower get into my favorite pj’s and get back into bed. i’m guessing today’s just one of them days.

Woke up a little while ago. I’ve slept like shit and I’m in a foul mood today. I want nothing more than to stay in bed all day and do nothing. The weathers shit outside and I’m tired as well. Is there even a point in doing anything? Might get something to eat and then just go back to sleep, can’t be asked feeling like this.

going to the gym now. long run and then some stuff. need to get everything out of my system. frustration and anger. the negativity i want it gone. so afterwards im ready to buckle down and do more uni work. what a weekend this will be..

you have no clue what it feels like to be in my situation. don’t you dare patronize me. you don’t know how it feels to wake up even more exhausted than you were when you went to bed. what it’s like wishing for things to change. looking out the window at the sun and wanting to crawl into a dark hole. being happy one second and then sitting alone and crying the next. getting angry at small things. getting fed up with your own feelings. i struggle every day. i work at it every day. i may not show it but i struggle. i struggle a lot. there’s not a day that goes by without me pulling my shit together. so yeah, i fall apart sometimes. sometimes i break down. sometimes i let my feelings get the best of me. but you can’t say anything. you know why? because i’ve done it. i got through it all. i’m living my life without drugs. without the pills. with food. without throwing up after every meal. i haven’t made myself sick in almost two years. i got off of my anti-depressants. i did it on my own. i didn’t need help from my family. i didn’t need my friends to help keep me on my feet. i did it. I did it. not my therapist. not my parents. i did it all on my own. i’ve got so much to be proud of and yet you try to tear me down every single time. can’t you see how strong i am? can’t you see that you can’t have what i have? when im happy, i am genuinely happy. no pills to make it better. its just me. so tell me what have you done to make your situation better?