the best part about coming home? getting undressed and just throwing whatever you want wherever you want.

went out for a quick meal at vapiano. aaah, let’s just say i won’t be going back there on a friday night anytime soon. crowded, loud, and hot. not what i was wanting. plus my food was pretty rubbish. so there’s another ten quid down the drain.

god don’t even want to think about it anymore, such a waste. 

just having my lunch break at work, well technically eating, blogging, and printing things off at the same time. today’s just been busy work really.

just had lentil and mushroom broth soup with a piece of baguette, which has filled me up rather well. so i’ve still got a pasta salad waiting for me later on today.

simon’s coming over tonight after i finish work so we’re gonna go for sushi again. (i’ve yet to blog about the last time.. maybe should update you guys tomorrow on what’s been going on in my life..)

anyways realised there’s a place across the street from me that delivers.. lazy i know, but they do loads of sushi and i really fancy a couple of different rolls and so does the boy.

why is my life constantly revolving around food? is it boring to read about?

was watching come dine with me when they served il flottante.. had it in paris and it was AMAZING.

had to do with my own dinner.. a not so appetising sight of filled pasta with pesto and cherry tomatoes.

on monday simon and i had a cheap lunch at pret. we were sat outside in the sun on marylebone high street and i was loving life. can’t say i’d recommend their pasta salad though…

just got home from tesco’s and made dinner.

leftover chicken bits from sunday with pesto pasta, cherry tomatoes and pine nuts. super easy and super yummy.

sure to keep me going tonight whilst i keep working..

for you swedes out there, or people cooking in sweden.. i recommend arla chili & paprika.

it’s good for taco pies and also with pasta, had it for dinner and i like the tingling that’s still going on in my mouth after, mmm spicy food!

breakfast this morning wasn’t good. i had to force myself to eat a slice of bread and some yogurt while cleaning my room. then when me and Simon finally got off our asses to go to the gym i was hungry again.. there wasn’t any lunch at home so i decided to get something at tesco’s on the way. mistake. nothing looked appealing. i found a salad i liked, but of course there wasn’t any plastic forks so how was i supposed to eat it, with my hands? so i put that back. didn’t want another one of their nasty sandwiches.. so i opted for a chicken pasta thing. got a bottle of water and thought i was set! i was already frustrated cause i didn’t get any food that i actually felt like eating, and i hate spending money on food. i think it’s a waste. the less i buy the less i eat.. makes sense no? but it’s not good for me i know. either way we started walking towards the gym while i was eating, and well after two bites i wanted to be sick. the pasta made my mouth taste like poison and the chicken just made my stomach churn, not cause it tasted bad but because i didn’t want to eat. i didn’t want to eat. i didn’t want it. i didn’t want to add more to my stomach. it felt stupid eating before a work out. what’s the point? but you can’t work out on an empty stomach, it’s not smart. i broke down and started crying, and poor simon was so confused. it’s hard when i can’t explain what’s going on, half the time i don’t even know! i was just so frustrated that my ed thoughts are coming back. i was mad at myself, the eating disorder, everything. i was upset, and frustrated. but we kept walking, i ended up throwing away the pasta cause i couldn’t bare to look at it. i didn’t want it. simon said he wouldn’t let me work out on an empty stomach so we went into somerfields and i bought a banana and a smoothie. it filled me up and it wasn’t as difficult to eat. i don’t know why the pasta was so hard but it was. it was like Ed was set on me not eating it, i wasn’t allowed and i listened. next time i’ll make the choices, i’ll pick something i will eat. i will eat it. i’m sick of ed bossing me around. i want to eat without any worries, i want to just eat. just be.

i had leftovers from the dinner i made last night (pasta salad) for lunch.

im hungry waiting for dad to make me dinner now. the beautiful life eh??

had a long work out at the gym today. i thought i was going to die. anyways dad had tons of energy after, it took me a while longer. we ate pasta salad, leftovers from yesterday. and now after a shower im feeling a bit refreshed. cant say im hyper or up for anything wild and crazy. i think im going to repaint my nails. they are in DESPERATE need of it. 

i think everyone would agree with me on that one, no? anyways ill probably watch some two and a half men while doing it! so off i go, lets hope i  can manage to sit still for long enough. such a challenge. hehe.