woke up feeling tired tired tired. but i dragged myself out of bed, and then went to get breakfast. boy’s flat door was locked. so i had to wait till one of them got back from their exam for some food. not having food always makes me grumpy. ate breakfast. and now i’m just sat here feeling really angry for some reason. maybe it was because i started looking at flats and realized i have no money, and will not be able to afford anything. debbie downer i know, but whatever. pissed off, going to do some bullshit work for uni and whatever. maybe take a walk just because it’s so nice outside, and that will have to cheer me up.

went to bed early last night.. or tried. woke up like every hour. people playing loud rap music, first of all my grandmother could rap better than that, secondly why the fuck is it necessary to play it that loud at 1 in the morning? then someone was screaming on the train tracks, and so on. just pissed off when i woke up. nauseous today as well. oh and simon was at some shit last night with the guys and supposed to come home sometime during the night but, surprise surprise didn’t. so guess who doesn’t have an oyster card to get to uni? fucking waste of a weekly pass that is. aggravation at its highest right now. im hungry but i can’t eat. i don’t want to go to this final crit at school either, you know why? because i already know what they’re gunna say. my work is shit and im behind, no news there!! just want to crawl under a rock and die.

i’ve held it in. and i’ve held it in long enough. i’m not going to say who or any details like that because it’s stupid. i’m not putting anyone in situations that aren’t needed. however i do feel i need to express my feelings. the childishness that goes on in my life is up to me. i can act like a child but it’s because im enjoying life like a child. i don’t do it to hurt other’s or make other’s lives difficult. people i thought were close to me betrayed me. i know they probably don’t realize it but i’m really hurt. im frustrated and im angry. im keeping it inside. i’ve got nowhere to turn to. how do i express my feelings without hurting others? it’s just some people go beyond the line. some things are personal. some things should not be read or tampered with. it’s private. and im sure as hell you wouldn’t like it if i went and snooked around in your private things. i used to like certain people but in the last couple of months it’s just shown how different we are. i will not stay in touch. i do not want them in my life. i do not need them. im tired of the same old same old. i don’t think certain people will ever mature. ever make a life for themselves.

sometimes i wanna sit down. throw a hissy fit. cry. kick and scream. cuss people out. just all together tell people to fuck off. but i dont. instead i try my best to be polite and smile and walk away. let’s just say sometimes my anger gets the best of me. not today though. you can tell your back in london. the service is shit. tottenham is shit. idiots left and right. one person was in front of me in line at the grocery store yet she still managed to hold the line up for AGES. putting one item on at a time. asking how much it was after each one. pissed me off so much i needed to write this to cool down. i wanna hanna to come now!!

beyond irritated. so many things have gone wrong since i got back from my interview. im not in a good mood right now. not at all. so mad, irritated, angry, and upset. head hurts. want to sleep. need to do a bullshit assignment for uni. fuck that. fuck this bullshit uni. fuck it all. im so irritated. i want to go for a walk but i wouldnt dare in this neighborhood. got hit on earlier and asked to buy drugs the other night, plus already seen a fight, AND a women got raped on the street outside our gates. not happening.