so this is a christmas wish list, so i figured why not throw in some items that truly are on my wish list. one day hopefully i’ll be able to afford such a beautiful handbag.
until then, this mulberry bayswater leather bag will have to stay on my wish list.
im so sick of thinking about this and im sure everyones sick of hearing me complain. why does everything revolve around money? and why do i never have enough? im so tired of having to ask my parents to send over money to my account, im sick of watching as the amount in my account dwindles down to merely nothing. i dont know how i’ve managed but the money was meant to last me until the end of november now isn’t even going to cover next months rent. im freaking out, im crying, im scared, im worried, i have no clue what to do. im fighting with the previous estate agents to get my deposit back with no avail. if i were to get that back then i could survive until the end of october, which is better than where im at now. i’d love to get a part time job but how the hell would i have time, between 6 modules at university im already freaking out. i never think of the external bills. internet, phone, weekly travel card, university books, this blog, summer holiday ect. i just hate looking at my account and realising that i’ve once again screwed myself over. so sick of being in this position. i just want to be self reliant again, i want cash flow. i want to work and see the benefits. i hate being a student, always poor, always relying on others to support me.
Today’s been really chilled out and mellow.
Woke up around 11ish, went with my dad to lunch. Bought a couple of things we needed, including alcohol for this week at the cottage we’ve rented 
Then when we got home and i was chatting on skype with Simon i started to break down. I don’t know what it is about money and things that revolve around money that really throw me out of the water. We were just chatting about nothing and i started crying. I couldn’t keep a face on, i just let myself break down.
It’s annoying showing others when I’m vulnerable, and i don’t like it, but what am i supposed to do?
Im scared and i’m worried. What if the money doesn’t last. What if i don’t find a place to live in that i’m happy with. What if, what if, what if. I hate money. I hate worrying about having it and not having it. About being able to live with it and live without it. I just don’t like it. Its too much, it gives me stomach pains and makes me want to curl into a ball and die. I can’t handle it.
yes. if i was rich. or if i had a job, or savings, or anything of that kind. this ring would say it all. i love love love love love love it. i would wear it all the time. it would be my wedding ring, id be married to it. i find it absolutely gorgeous, and expensive. its an albion ring from david yurman. gimmie gimmie gimmie?