i’ve messed certain things up so bad. woke up this morning wanting to be somebody else. i don’t wanna be me anymore. it’s not all it’s hyped up to be. the mood swings. the problems. everything. i don’t wanna stay here anymore. this isn’t something you can turn around and make positive. it’s just plain ol’ fucked up. and i did it. i fucked it up. i fucked it up for myself and i don’t know how it happened or why. all i know is that it did. i did it. and there’s no going back. there’s no rewind button on life. there’s no way to understand it, or make other people try to see it through your eyes. i might explain later but it hurts to much to think about. i have a feeling things will be totally different soon. my summer wont be what i expected and next year will be different as well. so how do i cope? how do i get out of bed in the mornings knowing that i’ve hurt someone i love in ways that aren’t repairable. i feel like i’ve jumped back two years in my life. don’t think i’ll have much to celebrate on june 20th anymore.