so i thought i’d do a little recap of my summer. i know ive been kind of lousy at updating but ive been busy! so heres a little reminder of how amazing my summer of 2009 was

it started with Jonas & Rebecca coming to Dublin. It was one of the best weeks of my life! even if i was a bit  of an emotional disaster (i stopped taking my prozac for a while).

the week after was one of the most challenging weeks, when my dad entered the hospital for open heart surgery

then i travelled to Sweden for about a month. first stop? Skåne with Jonas and his family

then back to Stockholm to welcome my panda bear Ito to Sweden

I turned 18, finally legal! had a big birthday party at jonas’ house, and went out with my sister!

took a week in Mallorca, Spain with my boys. the beach and the bar sums it up!

then i went to texas for two weeks. with my sister, jonas, and mom! met old friends, and did some major shopping!

and thats not all! my summers not over yet hanna’s coming on thursday night!

so tonight was interesting. there was quite a hefty storm that blew by and i apparently didnt close the window all the way so i had water in my room, then after closing it, it continued to rain in? so i had to go get a bowl and towel and put it on the floor. normally i sleep through storms like no other, i dont know what it is about them but i find the rain soothing. not closing the window fully..way to interrupt a good nights sleep! then this morning i was so excited by the thought of dad coming home that i couldnt sleep. i guess ill have to take a nap later. so yeah im going to leave in about 20 minutes to go get dad. hes coming home today !!

today im wearing my frankie b jeans, with a shirt from forever 21.

still irritated cause my stupid effing phone wont work. ugh!!! i also have to do an intense vacuuming session here in the apartment tonight cause dad might be coming home tomorrow. im just stressing and i dont want to deal with this stupid phone anymore. im about to throw it off the balcony. yuck.

so im at the hospital yet again. the doctors are talking about letting dad go home tomorrow! yep, so well see how that pans out. my stupid iphone stopped working yesterday for no reason what so ever. so now ive downloaded the newest version and tried everything, yet nothing works. so im a bit irritated. im thinking about going to o2 and just getting a new phone number. im sick of dealing with all this jailbreaking and unlocking business. anyways im wearing my american apparel bronze tulip skirt with a unisex long sleeved shirt from them too. still no word from them.. not surprising i guess?

so today i did what ive been doing everyday. i went to the hospital to see my pappa. i thought he was going to be doing worse today but hes fine. we even took a walk together, a very short one though. hehe. they say he should be coming home on friday so thats only three more days then my moms coming on saturday morning. i kind of wish i could stay longer. hate to leave my mom after just one day, oh wells. we will have time in texas. it wont be that long from now anyways. my birthdays in less than a month now and im a bit excited although i have NO CLUE what to do on my birthday. i guess ill figure it out. not sure if ill be visiting dad tonight again, my phone stopped working..depends on what is on tv i guess

so ive been a terrible blogger these last couple of days, but its just because theres been so much going on. both mentally and physically. every couple of hours im going back and forth to the hospital to see my dad. today feels good though. hes awake, alert, and very much himself. he wants to do so much but they wont let him haha. typical.

on the day dad went in we stopped outside where they had some lovely rose bushes. ah i want some of these in my back yard one day. we used to have a ton outside our house in sweden i remember.

dad all smiles and jokes before going in, no surprise there.

dad was making fun of me for being like a five year old and messing around. no surprise there either hahah. what can i say im just naturally childish.

i have so much to write about its not even funny. i feel a bit behind but i think im going to bring my computer to the hospital tomorrow. well see how things pan out. its good to see that dad is doing better, and hes still his usual self. i thought with all the drugs hed be mean or weird, but hes still more worried about me than himself. i keep telling him im fine and that he should stay focused on getting better when i went to see him this morning he was sitting up eating breakfast, good sign. although he is still very tired, but like mamma says thats the way to heal! i feel way more positive now and im happy that ive gotten through the worst without doing anything stupid.

ive been fighting back my tears all day. i feel like one wrong word, or one move will set me off. but when i got home and sat down ready for the waterfall nothing came. im so irritated. everytime someone asks me if im okay im about to break down, yet when i allow myself to i wont. what is this? some sick cry for attention? i wish i wasnt here alone right now. its funny though i go to see my dad in the hospital and hes worrying about me being okay, weather or not im eating, if im being good. so typical of him. it was hard to see him at first. so out of it. so helpless. but the nurses assured me that hes doing very well. even though i didnt think it looked like it. he was drifting in and out of sleep and didnt really grip what the time was. i can understand that with all the heavy drugs hes on. i wanted to stay. i wanted to be there all night looking after him. i felt like i was doing a better job than the nurses, giving him water, fixing his bed, doing this, doing that. but i guess thats just the emotions kicking in. when i was leaving one of the nurses asked me how i was doing and of course my eyes watered up. so she sat with me in the waiting room telling me it was all right and that its a shame im all alone. so she gave me her phone number and told me to call her whenever, and if i wanted to just take a walk she would be delighted to go with me. she has two dogs, both cocker-spaniels so i think were going to take a walk tomorrow. i thought it was very nice of her to offer.  then right as i walked up to our building i see michael, a guy dad works with. he asks how dads doing and offers me to go to dinner with him and his wife and then to a jazz festival in howth. i said yes because i need some interaction and i cant just sit here and mope. i need to get out. plus theyre very nice people. lets hope i can make it through the evening without crying in public.

so theres no visiting hours at the hospital which i like. im gunna pack some snacks get ready, probably bring a book, and then go see dad. i can imagine hes still pretty sleepy today so ill just be there to comfort him. i also made a little card for him yesterday, hope he likes it! ill give an update when i get home, lord knows when that will be

dads in ICU now under the watchful eye of his nurses. i spoke to one of them on the phone and they said that the procedure went as expected and that hes recovering. hes stable and nothing unusual happened. i think im going to call back again later just to see. its funny though how i woke up early this morning and waited all day i didnt feel nervous or scared but right after i found out i got this major headache. ha, the brain hides things from you sometimes. obviously i was worried and my guard fell and now im in pain haha. no ill be alright. its good to know that my dads gotten through the worst part. now he just has to heal and get better. i wont be visiting him today for different reasons however i will go to the hospital as soon as i wake up tomorrow. thanks for all your support!