back in my flat now. the journey took twice as long as expected because of tube delays, can i just say TFL get your shit together!!

it went a bit faster because i had the economist to read, but still slow.

went by tesco’s on my way home, really wanted something sweet so i bought some fruit.

my love for kiwi’s has been reborn. i devoured one within the first minute inside the door. hehe, oops!

went to the store this morning with simon to get some fresh bread and some pate from the swedish shop.

tesco’s doesn’t really do fresh bread so we decided to go to waitrose on the high street, ended up at a sunday market instead! got some yummmmmy bread, veggies, apple juice, and a free range chicken.

then went to waitrose to pick up some essentials for a sunday roast! my god, they’re converting me to a brit! eeeeeek.

being the amazing girlfriend i am, i’ve gone to the store to get groceries and wine for dinner.

mamma’s stew is on the menu for tonight when simon get’s back from middlesbrough!

got my club card in the mail yesterday, and my god does it feel like a grown up thing to have in your wallet. getting points and saving money though! (i sound like an old lady don’t i?)

walked to the store this morning. got some eggs, bread, cheese.. you know the breakfast essentials.

when i crossed one of the streets a load of horses went by with all their gear and police escorts and whatnot, pretty cool. not something you see everyday!

simon’s on the train now. got a bit delayed but should be home by 7ish? then we’re going to the store to get things for dinner and whatnot! good, because i’m starving…

breakfast this morning wasn’t good. i had to force myself to eat a slice of bread and some yogurt while cleaning my room. then when me and Simon finally got off our asses to go to the gym i was hungry again.. there wasn’t any lunch at home so i decided to get something at tesco’s on the way. mistake. nothing looked appealing. i found a salad i liked, but of course there wasn’t any plastic forks so how was i supposed to eat it, with my hands? so i put that back. didn’t want another one of their nasty sandwiches.. so i opted for a chicken pasta thing. got a bottle of water and thought i was set! i was already frustrated cause i didn’t get any food that i actually felt like eating, and i hate spending money on food. i think it’s a waste. the less i buy the less i eat.. makes sense no? but it’s not good for me i know. either way we started walking towards the gym while i was eating, and well after two bites i wanted to be sick. the pasta made my mouth taste like poison and the chicken just made my stomach churn, not cause it tasted bad but because i didn’t want to eat. i didn’t want to eat. i didn’t want it. i didn’t want to add more to my stomach. it felt stupid eating before a work out. what’s the point? but you can’t work out on an empty stomach, it’s not smart. i broke down and started crying, and poor simon was so confused. it’s hard when i can’t explain what’s going on, half the time i don’t even know! i was just so frustrated that my ed thoughts are coming back. i was mad at myself, the eating disorder, everything. i was upset, and frustrated. but we kept walking, i ended up throwing away the pasta cause i couldn’t bare to look at it. i didn’t want it. simon said he wouldn’t let me work out on an empty stomach so we went into somerfields and i bought a banana and a smoothie. it filled me up and it wasn’t as difficult to eat. i don’t know why the pasta was so hard but it was. it was like Ed was set on me not eating it, i wasn’t allowed and i listened. next time i’ll make the choices, i’ll pick something i will eat. i will eat it. i’m sick of ed bossing me around. i want to eat without any worries, i want to just eat. just be.

so i found some antiflammatory stuff at tescos and its a life saver! no more pain when i pee, although im pretty sure i need antibiotics for it to fully go away! now im just waiting for my cough to disappear as well.