i am however hurt, and in all honesty i don’t know how to move on from here. where do you start over when you’ve lost trust in someone, when you’ve lost trust in a relationship and question if it can even work anymore. is it worth starting over?

“Maybe, when i was beautiful and strong, he wouldn’t want distractions” New Moon by Stephanie Meyer

i want someone to love me the way Edward loves Bella. i want what they have. i know it isnt real, but why cant it be. i want someone to be there for me unconditionally. someone who has all of me who could break me, but someone i had the trust and faith in not to. i want that feeling. where are you my prince charming? maybe i already have you..

The more i think about it the stupider i think i sound. seriously.. i cant stay scared for the rest of my life of drugs. there will ALWAYS be drugs out there, always someone who takes them. always someone who grows, deals, transports. im not going to be able to hide for forever. so its time to step up. ive decided to no longer be scared. to trust myself. to be able to say no. ive said no to so many other things in my life, why shouldnt i be able to say no to this? i was just as addicted if not worse to bulimia and ive made it through that. this should be no different. i used to think that i wouldnt be able to say no if drugs were presented to me but seriously? am i going to live in denial and hide from them? so what if theres a person smoking weed on the street.. im not going to run up to them and ask for some. i just need to be smart, and not put myself in situations that i dont need to be in. not find my way into groups of people that arnt good for me. i know some people who decided to try some stuff this summer for the first time and seriously.. yeah that made me mad. like whats the point? everyones turning 18 this year and you get to drink.. legally and out in clubs and shit. is that not enough? why does everyone search for a high? im telling you. the high might be good, but when you come down.. its usually not worth it. plus if you loved the high so much your bound to do it again. so is it worth it? either your hooked, or you hate it. i dont know, your choice. just doesnt seem logical to me. yet i did it all. call me stupid, call me whatever you want. i made mistakes, god knows ive made MANY mistakes. ive learned from them, but thats only because i got help and got past my addictions. not everyone gets out.