it wasn’t the distance this time that was hard, just the fact that i was leaving. normally the one that stays behind has a harder time saying goodbye, but i really struggled yesterday.

got to the airport, got some tax free goods. just a mascara and a new perfume. necessities really then as soon as i got on the plane the captain said we’d have to wait an hour and a half! in the freaking heat. noooo thank you. luckily enough they got it down to 20 minutes.

an hour into the flight i’d finished my book and was quite restless. ended up watching ‘i love you, philip morris’ terrible movie.

landed. went through the usual. passport control. baggage claim. top up oyster card. sit on tube for an hour and a half..

felt so alone. but then i got in and realized that mostly everyone’s back. so i chilled with alex and irish for a bit

here i come

happy. understatement! went and chilled in the sun at hyde park today with a lovely blanket and just talked for a bit. then unfortunately since we do live in the uk the wind came and ruined it all. up and downs today but tomorrows a new day!

i miss it sometimes. i miss it a lot. i miss it a little. either way i miss it. pedicure once a month. acrylic nails every two weeks. shopping on a regular basis. driving around in a new car. going to a private school. chillin with friends. all the glamourous things i had in life. snorting cocaine. popping pills. drinking myself into oblivion. throwing up after everything i ate. hiding my feelings. headaches. stomach pains. fear. sadness. regret. loneliness. all the unglamorous things i had in life. i dont miss it. im happy i can be without it. however sometimes i feel like i want it back, without the pain. i want that life. i want to be carefree. i want to feel the wind in my hair as i drive down the tollway. i want to be able to go shopping and spend money without having to worry about rent or food. but then again i wouldn’t give up this life. i’ve got a boyfriend who i couldn’t love more. i’m working towards getting a degree and a real job. i’m living in one of the most amazing cities in the world. im happy. im healthy. and im not tempted. i may drink more than needed, but im in control now and im 18. i know when to stop. im not hurting myself intentionally anymore. im not doing drugs. im the best ive ever been in my life. and i’ve got my loved ones to thank for that. without my mom and dad i wouldn’t have been able to go to treatment. without my therapist i wouldn’t have dealt with certain issues. without my sister i wouldn’t have had that undying support. without my friends, i wouldn’t have been able to be so honest with myself. without you i wouldn’t still be standing.

or so i wish it was! went to oxford street today to hand out cv’s and look for a new pair of jeans. and i found them! i mean of course i couldve found much better and payed more for them but honestly i hate shopping for jeans and they worked for me so i bought them. got them for a good price as well! cheap monday at urban outfitters, only 45 pounds! normally my jeans end up in the 100-200′s! so we’ll see if one of my friends here can sew them up for me if not ill get them tailored and itll cost a bit more but so worth it!

leaving Dublin today. dads moving to sweden in a couple of weeks so who knows when ill be back here again! i love this city and ill miss it. specially the apartment here, the bed, the view, the people, the pubs and clubs, everything! i’ve had a lovely weekend but it’s sadly back to real life now.. wearing monki skirt today!

went out to my favorite place here in dublin tonight, cafe en seine. had a lovely chat with my pappa but didn’t want to wear ourselves out for tomorrow, lady gaga concert! although it’s funny how hard it was to leave london, i love that city and i love being there. as well as the people i’ve got there <3 but nothing beats the apartment my dad’s got here in dublin, especially not seven sisters hahaha.

left behind some of the most amazing people in Sweden when i moved to Dublin with my daddy. had a lovely house party at jonas’ thanks to his mommy! said goodbye to all my friends and got ready to move!

moved in with my dad in Dublin, Ireland. never loved an apartment so much in my life. went through a lot in dublin. found myself while my dad was working. had some amazing nights out as well

two of the most amazing people ive ever been lucky enough to have in my life came to dublin for an insane week of shopping, touristing, and most importantly drinking!

then i had one of the busiest summer of my life. back and forth. going here and there. sweden, dublin, spain, dallas!

had an amazing 18th birthday as well! oh the lovely people i got to share it with <3

then after a lovely summer it was time to move.. again. this time i went to london, where i’ve met some amazing people, and some not so amazing. had my share of ups and downs in london. been extremely happy and loved every second of life and then ive been extremely upset and just wanted to leave. leave it all behind. i wouldnt change a thing though. some of the best things this year happened to me in london and i cant wait to see what next year brings!

then i went for a lovely, but cold, weekend up north with simon. had fun making snow angels and getting pelted with snow. weird yeah? would’ve been hard leaving if it werent for mexico!

had a great vacation with my parents in puerto vallarta mexico! enjoyed the sun, good food, and good drinks and now last but not least.. spending new years in dallas with my family and amazing friends! if you wouldve asked me in 2008 if i would trade london for dallas i wouldve said hell no. now coming back i miss it so much, i feel like i might end up back here sometime in the near future! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

leaving in half an hour to go to Heathrow and catch my plane to DALLAS! get to see my mamma and daddy tonight and most likely some of my friends as well. plus i get to eat texmex! ill be even fatter when i get back :/ oh well ill worry about that then. could barely sleep tonight i’ve been so excited!

tonight im back off to London.. or seven sisters :/ alone. yuck. scared to walk from the tube to the halls, ill make a run for it!! then i’ve got some packing to do and then tomorrow morning/afternoon im off to heathrow for my flight to dallas!! first time i think i’ve ever gotten a direct flight from europe to dallas. see my mamma n pappa, and then eat some yummy food. then its repacking for mexico and off for a warm christmas! although i have been enjoying playing in the snow here, hehe.